Two things tend to happen in our sex lives when we are emotionally disconnected:
That being said, it is more common to feel sexually disconnected when there is an emotional disconnection.
Neither approach is right or wrong—they are just differences in preference and how someone connects to others.
The hard part comes in when one partner wants sex to reconnect, and the other partner wants to reconnect before sex. The conversation between couples often ends up being about whether or not to have sex instead of the desire to reconnect. This often makes both partners feel pushed away from each other, not valued or wanted, and can create more distance. The key point to remember is that both partners are longing to be reconnected and close again. Couples therapy can help change this pattern, help you understand each other, and help you change the conversation from sex to the underlying mutual desire for connection.
Elizabeth Polinsky, MSW, LCSW, is a marriage counselor and couple therapist specializing in working with military members, veterans, and their families. Liz is located in Norfolk, Virginia, and provides online counseling services throughout Virginia, South Carolina, and Arkansas. She is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker Virginia (#0904011022), South Carolina (#11302), and Arkansas (#7735-C). She is also licensed as a Resident in Marriage and Family Therapy in Virginia (#0730000567) under the supervision of Dr. Victoria Holroyd at The Relationship Center at East Beach.
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Hey, I'm Elizabeth Polinsky and I am a marriage therapist in the Hampton Roads area. In Communicate & Connect, I provide educational tips for relationships, with special application to military relationships.